Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Video Press Release #1

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Enemies List

Hello Mystery Fans!

It has been a few months since we last transmitted a blog to you. Fear not! For now catchers and pitchers are reporting to camp and the world can finally haz baseball again!

We have just been informed by the BBC? Yes, the BBC that the NRA has put out a list of enemies. Interestingly enough on this list is the Kansas City Royals. Since the Royals are only slightly less obscure than we, we have determined high hopes of being formally recognized by Major League Baseball.

This list has us also thinking, "Who are the Enemies of Mystery Team?" The following are a list of those who are the enemies of Mystery Team.

-JP Arencibia  for declining to sign with us for some M&Ms

-Josh Hamilton for not accepting our gracious contract offer 

-MLB Networking for...something or other

-LA Dodgers President Stan Kasten for dogging the Mystery Team on MLB Network

-LA in general, for signing/trading for everyone not named "Upton"

-People who play Quidditch in real life. You can't fly and you can't really chase a golden snitch! 

Are there any other persons or entities you feel should be enemies or friends of Mystery Team? Leave a comment. We also hope to start bringing you video press releases in the next month or two, so be on the look out.

Follow us on Twitter. Like us on FaceBook. Keep checking this here blog. 

Until next time Mystery fans, if it's news to you, it's a Mystery to us.

-Mystery Front Office

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Black Tuesday Or How Miami Exploded

Hello Mystery fans! It has been quite awhile. We do apologize for the lack of blogs, but we have so much scouting, phone calls, and never ending sobbing to endure this time of year.

Speaking of soul-crushing misfortunes, the Miami Marlins have decide to go all Wiley Coyote on themselves. Quick, think of a Miami Marlin. Do you have one in mind? Well, you are wrong. The player you are thinking of is now a Toronto Blue Jay as ESPN has reported this evening.

Mystery Team will continue to make calls to the Miami Marlins. Our current offer of some dinner chocolates we took from an Olive Garden and a box of old Florida Marlins hats for Giancarlo Stanton and Logan Morrison has yet to be accepted. Hopefully a trade to us won't "piss off" Mr. Stanton.

We want to take time to promise every Mystery fan that we will not trade away any of the cornerstone players that we may or may not have. We value your continued support and with that clearly have a better chance of getting a new stadium before the A's ever do. To be fair, they do have THIS going on for them.

Remember to follow us here on our blog, on the bookface, and in the twitterverse. If it is news to you, it is news to us. Always be a fan.

-Mystery Front Office
(Not Yet Sold to Disney)

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Brandon League

Once again Mystery fans, the MLB trade deadline is like Christmas to us here at Mystery Team. ESPN's Jerry Crasnick reports that Mariners reliever Brandon League is being traded to an undisclosed location. Whilst Alaska, France, the South Pacific are all possibilities, we'd like to think we are close on trading for this mysterious reliever.

Not to be outdone by baseless speculation,'s Alden Gonzalez reports that it is in fact San Francisco or Anaheim obtaining the reliever. As you all know from the past...we here at Mystery Team always assume California will acquire everyone.

The Mystery Front Office will continue it's best to outbid The State of California, possibly Chicago , and anywhere else who thinks they have a shot for Mr. League. You hear us Mars? Yes, we will go intergalatic if need be.

Keep in mind, if it is news to you, it is a Mystery to us. Keep your eyes on this blog, like us on the Facebook, stalk us on Twitter, and always be a fan.

-Mystery Front Office

Friday, July 27, 2012

Zack Greinke Trade

Dear Mystery Fans,

We humbly apologize for not acquiring the services of social anxiety victim and ace extraordinaire Zachary Clarence Greinke (He just looks like a Clarence). There are still several ace and aceish pitchers available such as "Big Game" James Shields (We assume Shoots & Ladders) and possibly Josh Johnson.

Now, not securing Greinke does not mean all is lost. Now with the YMCA League equivalent of Wild Card spots, we should be able to secure something. There is no truth to the rumors of us going full fire sale mode like the Miami Marlins of Ft. Lauderdale.

We would like to congratulate the Anaheim Angles of California of Orange County of the Western United States on their acquisition. We have also just learned whilst sending this blog out that Marco Scutaro has been acquired by the San Francisco Giants. California, please stop monopolizing our trades.

Until next time Mystery fans, if it's news to's a Mystery to us. Make sure to follow our front office ramblings on this blog, on BookFace, and in the Twitters.

-Mystery Front Office

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Brian Fuentes

It's that time of the summer again Mystery fan. You know the usual; fireworks, trips, the A's selling any piece of value they possibly have to the highest bidders. It is a wonderful time in Americana.

The Mystery Front Office is contacting Billy Beane non-stop in hopes of landing a role as him or valuable trade commodities. Such stellar pieces include Brain Fuentes according to Jon Heyman. How can we overlook such a valuable bullpen pieces. What, with an era close to 7 and losing the closer role to a guy who never actually closed, how could any team pass that up?

More and more opportunities will be coming through the pipeline of tradedom as we head into the heart of the Summer. We here at the Mystery Team Front Office will stay on top of all possible trade avenues and will continue to do our best in badgering, we mean dealing with other MLB GMs.

The Mystery Front Office reminds you to have a safe Summer and always be a fan. Just remember if it is news to you, it's a Mystery to us. Like us on Facebook, follow us on Twitter, subscribe to us on Youtube (wait, we don't have that....yet), and keep checking this very same blog for all Mystery information.

-Mystery Front Office

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Jorge Soler

Greetings Mystery Fans! They do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and we do apologize for the lack of updates recently. However, with the trade deadline vastly approaching, only more Mystery news can be on the way. Be rest assured that when not posting to this blog, the Mystery front office is diligently at work scouring the globe for the best available talents.

Such a talent has emerged in the form of Cuban defector, Jorge Soler. Many in the baseball world have been awaiting his eligibility as the last big name international signing before the new MLB collective bargaining agreement takes place.

As we have learned apparently from multiple outlets such as the Chicago Sun-Times, several teams vie for this international superstar. While destinations like Chicago, New York, or LA seems likely, we here at Mystery Team never fall asleep at the wheel. Be rest assured ever effort to pop in a bid via phone, text, eBay, carrier pigeon, and smoke signals were made. Judging by this birth certificate written in crayon we can only assume this "19-year-old" will be a prominent outfielder for years to come.

Once again, be sure to check this blog, our Facebook page, and our Twitter account for all the latest in any Mystery news, signings, merchandising, rants, and/or restraining orders. If it's news to you, it's a Mystery to us. Always be a fan.

-Mystery Team Front Office